Yes, I See It

October 13, 2014

Result penuh dah keluar, and I did fairly well. I recalled on the last paper, I woke up to a dull day. Rasa bosan teramat. Don't know where those feelings came from. And since there are public holiday in between the exam schedule, one of the paper got dragged to the next week. When you think it would give you more time to study, it didn't. Tambah lagi weekend ada program dengan JPAM. Tired, fatigue.

Benda dah lepas, nak kenang pun tak guna. Lagipun bukan teruk sangat exam result tu. I passed all papers, cuma perlu beri extra attention pada 2-3 subjek. Long gone the time where grades and points become the main objective.. sebab aku dah bekerja. The only target now is to understand each and everything, especially when it comes to the subject of our core business.

Mediocre is not forgiven, sebab aku tinggalkan rumah untuk study. So the least to achieve is to understand everything.

Ada sorang pengajar subjek kat tempat aku ni, most of the students takut dengan dia. She rarely smile, and at times she'll give you a staring dagger. Fuhh.. tertusuk di kalbu okeh. There are times when we felt so pent up and some of us even depressed, sebab subject yang dia ajar. Physiology. When she taught, and you were dozing in and out of space, see to it that you lose 5 marks of attitude and aptitude. Guaranteed. Aku pun pernah rasa stress gila dengan dia.

But today, I only feel sympathy. She went all out to make our learning easier. But in the end, all she got is nothing. Normally, and definitely in a class, there's always a student who excelled in everything. But the gap is too big. The scorer topped everything, and the dropout remains dropout. Kesian okay, I can relate to the pengajar. Even job nature kita adalah berbeza. You as a lecturer and me as a manager.

We strived to create an opportunity for our subordinate and students to learn in an easy way. But things don't always go your way kan?

At least aku bertanya, when she expected questions. And aku totally faham bila muka dia macam frustrated sebab soalan aku nampak simple and unrelated. But questions are questions. No matter how mundane and innate the question may be. Perhaps a profound questions were not meant to come from me.

Eyy, apa je la aku merapu malam ni. Moral of the story, try the hardest when you think you can try hard. Aku ni ha, dah tau lembab, EXTRA EFFORT ye. If orang baca sekali untuk faham, aku kena baca tiga kali just to keep up. So kawan-kawan, if korang pun ada situasi yang sama cam aku, whether or not to give up.. at least give it a try. Then only kita tahu, rasa berbaloi atau tak effort kita tu. Alangkan nak tudung Fareeda lagikan berhari-hari tido kat kaki lima tu. Eh.

Later. I think I have got an epiphany.